Working out… I’m not sure it’s working out. I mean, goodness – you’re great. Honestly, it’s not that I don’t see the perks to spending time with you. Really and truly I love it when you and I are super in sync and on the same page. When I bound out of bed in the mornings and we have a really awesome hour together. You make me feel incredible. Plus, I get giddy when my arms don’t jiggle as much as they do when you and I aren’t hanging out as much. And ever since Beyonce released “I am Sasha Fierce” my time with you has gotten better than ever. Planks never go as fast as they do when I’m listening to “Diva”. It’s true that you’ve caused me some wrist injuries and bruises along the way, but this isn’t about that.
I’m not sure what it’s about. Maybe it’s about the fact that it’s cold in the mornings. And I know I used that as an excuse when I lived in Florida, but I’m in Tennessee now and it really really is cold now. It’s also dark. Cold and dark. Awesome for you, fitness, that you don’t go to work in the mornings, but I do. At 8am. That means for us to have a good amount of time together, I have to wake up earlier than I want to. If you weren’t so needy – if we could just hang out for 10 minutes and not an hour then it would be a different story. It’s not that I hate you (unlike your cousin, running, who I detest and you can tell him I said so), it’s that I hate waking up early.
And if I’m being honest, it’s about something else too. I’m just gonna put it out there on the table… you get too many thrills from guilt tripping me. Don’t be that guy. I knowwwww you only have my best interest at heart. I knowwwww that a donut is a terrible terrible breakfast, but to quote the great Liz Lemon: haven’t you EVER put a donut in the microwave?!
Probably not. Because you have will power. Which is admirable and, frankly, most days I wish I had a little bit more too. But I don’t think I should be thrown completely under the bus. I don’t think you’re in the right by suggesting I can’t say no to greasy, fatty, deliciousness. I’ll have you know that Boyfriend and I talked about getting Big Macs twice in the last month and then, in fact, didn’t. So there.
I know that you’re part of a healthy life style. You’ll help me live longer and all that junk, but I’m just not sure you fit into my lifestyle. I mean, I can’t see how a six-pack set of abbs would coexist with the amount of cookies I like to eat. And if I have to pick between you and the cookies, it’s gonna be cookies every time.
I guess that’s the gist of it, working out. That’s the bottom line. I don’t love you more than I love cookies. And as long as chocolate chips exist, I don’t think I ever will.
Have fun at the gym.
As if that’s even possible.