I love you from here to Tennessee.

I graduated from college just over a year ago now and I still have no idea what I’m doing. Hi, I’m Kathryn and I’m aimless for God. I studied fine art / photography and I loved it – then I graduated, starting actively doing photography, and felt immense pushback from God. And I think I know why. Well, part of why. I’m not so bold as to imply I ever know why God does anything. But I think there was an error in the way I was setting the course of my life. I am a product of the Pinterest Generation. I love Pinterest. I think it does what it intends to really well and it’s absolutely useful. But. I think there’s a problem with Pinterest too. I read once in an article that Pinterest is like the modern day Proverbs 31 woman: it shows you how to decorate a beautiful home, make delicious recipes, tips for working out because heaven forbid us ladies get love handles, how to raise perfect children, etc. And like I said, all of these things can be useful, but when you take everything in at all once it’s a heck of a high bar to reach. For myself, I saw a lot of photography websites and blogs by mother’s who wore chevron (by the way, I’m really sick of chevron) and spent all their weekdays with their children while on the weekends photographed beautiful weddings. It was a nice system with pretty blogs attached to it and suddenly it became easier to just get in line with these women instead of doing something uniquely my own. But how dare I suggest that God wasn’t creative enough to have a plan for me that didn’t match up with what I saw on Pinterest?

So I crossed “pinterest-perfect statement necklace wearing mom and photographer” off the list of my possible careers. But the thing was, that was the only thing I had on my list.


1. Pinterest-perfect statement necklace wearing mom and photographer



4. Yikes.

I’m not related to anyone in the Kardashian or Hilton family, so when I realized I didn’t know what I  “wanted to do with my life” I still had bills to pay. God has never once left me out to dry. Whenever I needed some random job to get me through high school, college, and now apparently post-college, He always provided one. So, I found myself a nanny. I gotta be honest: while being a nanny has never once for a second ever been my life’s ambition, as far as jobs you have for the sake of paying your bills goes, I think being a nanny is the best. Seriously. I spend all my time with the cutest little boy and I get paid for it. I’ve become really invested and emotionally involved with my little man and his parents as well… so when they got news that they needed to move to Memphis, TN for a year for work they asked me to come with them.

“I can’t, I’m sorry” was my first response because yours truly is already settled here in Tampa. I’m madly in love with my church and my friends and my dog (okay, the dog isn’t technically mine) and a year sounds like a really long time. But then I started marinating on it for a little bit because God wouldn’t let it slide. I mentioned it to my Mother and she said if it was her, she would accept it in a heartbeat. This surprised me. My Mother is my very best friend and one of the two (the other being that husband of hers) most important people in my life – how dare she like the idea of my being so far from her! The nerve. Eventually I came round to thinking that I didn’t really have anything else going on… maybe I could go for just a couple months while they get settled. Tennessee has always fit in my general aesthetic anyway, I’m sure I could dig it. I mean, I do really love saying “y’all”. A few weeks ago though, God had a few words with me.

Do you ever enter into much needed prayer time KNOWING you’re about to get put in your place? It’s an interesting feeling – part of me feels like a little kid who knows when they’re about to get in trouble, but the other part of me feels so loved and blessed to be discipled by my heavenly Father. It’s not a feeling of dread even though it hurts sometimes. It’s knowing that my God is not detached or uninterested in me. The gist of what God told me during our really really long time together was this: it is very bold of me to claim complete submission of my life to Him and then stand face to face with an opportunity He brings me and say “Eh, I mean I’ll give you two months tops.” I don’t get to do that. I don’t get to give God boundaries. It’s really not about how long I stay in Memphis – it’s about my willingness to go wherever He would have me go and stay there for however long He would have.

So when people ask how long I’ll be in Memphis I say “2 months to a year, unless God keeps me there forever” because God hasn’t yet given me an end date. Because God isn’t accountable to me, it’s the other way around. Because a year sounds long in my young mind but God isn’t bound to time. Because I think God cares less about how long I actually stay there and more about my willingness to stay for 2 months or 15 years as He so chooses.

I’ll tell you one thing for sure though, I will never leave Tennessee if it’s without an adorable southern accent.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s